| 1st poem in awhile |
[24 Nov 2007|05:54am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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Anxiety
Spiders weaving webs
Tying my limbs tightly together so I can’t move
Barely able to breathe
Unable to function
Trains trembling down tracks over my mind
Cant think. Can’t function. I can hardly form words
The carts of hot coal spill charred over my thoughts
Fire ants running rampant up and down my thighs
Floating a foot off the floor I feel high
Hanging on a rack of horrifying cloaks of fear
Planes crash into my ear drums
Erupting in flames
The roars interrupting constant chatter
Liquid steam from boiling tea kettles streaming from my eyes
Each coffee pot too hot
Overflowing with the feelings that don’t fit inside my head
So I regress
I confess
It’s petrifying to grow up
So much simpler to throw up and watch the years flush down the bowl
Along with pain
Emotional strain
And all the weight I’m scared to gain
It all seems good
Until I’m 6
Naked and dirty in the woods
Won’t face my moods
Can’t eat the food
Am I a slut, am I a prude?
Is there a point to all this madness
It’s just masking pounds of sadness
It’s raining outside
It’s pouring inside
It’s sleeting in my mind
And I don’t know if I can take it
Raking through my memories for something to aid a safe arrival
To mend my self survival
To help me feel entitled
To comfort the child
Play and be wild
Grow to woman from girl
And live free in this world
Let my best be ok
Take it day by day
Things will sometimes be a mess
And I might sometimes regress
Things won’t always be successful
But I’ll try
I’ll sigh
I’ll cry
Get by
And eventually
The faerie will come out
From in the corner
take her wings off of the shelf
And she will mend them
and then finally
I’ll fly
Glenna McPartland 11/23/2007
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| wandering in different ways |
[14 May 2007|12:37pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
] |
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music |
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switchfoot |
] |
Wandering In Different Ways
She holds the weight of the world on her shoulders
Cracking under the pressure
Untied shoes become unfulfilled wishes
Tightening their nuts and bolts
The blazing fire breaks her sturdy build
Wavering arms
They all fall down
Ashes, ashes
Her embers now dust
The family flies in the direction of the wind
Wandering in different ways
Scattered seeds sown in the earth
That fell from her aching arms
Too heavy to hold
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| fingers and toes and eyes oh my |
[12 May 2007|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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joss stone |
] |
My mom came down this weekend
and today we went out and had pampering day
and got our nails and toenails and eyebrows done
it was awesome
and i went to this smokeshop called dirt cheap and bought a carton of cigarettes for only 24.00!!!
and lighter fluid for my engraved cigarette case and fairy zippo, and cherry cloves
and I talked to Kristina on the phone and she may be coming down here which makes me so happy
and my hair is gorgeous
and I'm starting to resemble a normal looking female again
and that scares me a lot but makes me happy, too
I can't wait for college.
and for memorial day to see Max
I can't wait for the life I actually have now to continue as it should
I am so blissfully happy with the world
wow
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| revised song |
[29 Apr 2007|04:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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joss stone |
] |
the sun went down too early yet again
i light another cigarette
try to burn away the pain
but every time i catch my breath
it gets sucked out again
my smile's wearing thin
can't see the stars from the city sky
stuck in the dark, I sit alone and cry
I’ve got isolation down to an art
I fall down
Pick the pieces up
Start to heal
Then blow it all back apart
Hit again, by another broken heart
That's the problem with revolving doors
They spin you back to the same old start
The place where history, stabs you in the back
A midnight shadow, creeping close for a new attack
And every time you turn around
It’s there to reassure that hidden ghosts can still be found
Like a tape worm in your soul
Leaves you hollowed out with a gaping hole
A story that is still untold
I’ve got isolation down to an art
Need a safe space, to heal this broken heart
I fall down
Pick the pieces up
Then blow it all back apart
The problem with revolving doors
They take you back to the same old start
wishing on a shooting star
it makes no difference where you are
Hope won't take you very far
if you’re running in place from who you are
I’ve got isolation down to an art
I fall down
Pick the pieces up
Swallowhard to still my heart
The problem with revolving doors
They spin you back to the same old start
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| accepted |
[28 Apr 2007|08:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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saving jane |
] |
Yesterday I got the best phone call.
Colby Sawyer Called to tell me that I am not only accepted, but that my 4.0 gpa makes me eligable for the honors program and a 12,000 dollar a year scholarship!
I was so excited I almost started crying, and I was jumping up and down and called Deb and my parents and everyone I could think of.
I was kind of scared that I had missed my opportunity to have the typical ideal college experience, but clearly I was wrong.
This gives me a whole new level of determination for recovery
I'm so amazingly happy
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| I wrote a song!! |
[27 Apr 2007|04:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Amy Winehouse |
] |
Revolving Doors
the sun went down too early yet again
so i light another cigarette and wish for somewhere else to call my home
cuz everytime i catch my breath
it gets knocked out of me again and I lie crumpled on the kitchen floor
and my smile's wearing thin
feel my spirits getting low
can't see the stars from the city
and in the dark I feel alone
I’ve got isolation down to an art
I fall down
Pick the pieces up
And then fall back apart
I start to heal only to end up with another broken heart
The problem with revolving doors
is they always take you back to the start
My history, it stabs me in the back
It’s an ever growing shadow that follows me home each and every night
And everytime I turn around
It’s there to reassure me once again that things will never be all right
And my hope is fading out
Got a tape worm in my soul
It eats away at the compassion
And leaves me with a gaping hole
I’ve got isolation down to an art
I fall down
Pick the pieces up
And then fall back apart
I start to heal only to end up with another broken heart
The problem with revolving doors
is they always take you back to the start
wishing on a shooting star
it makes no difference where you are
but it will never take you very far
if you’re running from who you really are
I’ve got isolation down to an art
I fall down
Pick the pieces up
And then fall back apart
I start to heal only to end up with another broken heart
The problem with revolving doors
is they always take you back to the start
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| that's it |
[26 Apr 2007|10:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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creative |
] |
That’s it
He said through the little white box
And her heart sank a little
Lower
Small disappointments pile up
To create a large lump in her throat
The past few weeks have been a blur
Feelings flying fast around each corner
A whipping wind causing tears to well in her eyes
Or maybe it’s not the wind
It can’t get any worse
She thinks
It can only get better from her
And she paints on her smile
And puts on her mask
And gets ready for the day ahead
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| Oh, baby it's a wild world |
[25 Apr 2007|01:09pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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people in planes |
] |
I got out of the limo and stared at the building and I knew right away that it was going to be ok.
Castlewood is amazing. It looks like a ski lodge; huge, spacious rooms with high ceilings, lots of open space, beautiful cliff views, ponds, streams, cobblestone walkways...wall to wall windows that overlook rolling hills.
The girls are so welcoming
The staff are so competent
I feel so safe
And I have no desire to run
This morning I ate all of my breakfast, even though I wasn't required to because it's my first day. I'm actually extrememly hungry before the meals right now because my metabolism is going crazy. I'm feeling very strong and optimistic and positive, like whatever will be will be.
I miss everyone a lot, especially a few of you. I would love to get phone calls and text messages and mail and instant messages and emails, all of it. It would mean the world to me if people would keep in touch with me.
I truly feel that I can get a lot better here.
It's ok to be safe
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| You can find me in St. Louis.. |
[19 Apr 2007|01:17pm] |
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mood |
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nervous |
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music |
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Headturner - Joss Stone |
] |
So it's official.
As of 7:40am Tuesday morning (April 24th) I will be en route to Missouri. My flight arrives in St. Louis at 11:30am and my admission is scheduled for 1pm. I am excited, nervous, anxious, relieved, worried, happy, scared, proud, the list goes on and on
Hopefully my laptop is fixed by the time I leave so I can bring it with me and don't have to get it shipped down later on.
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get mail from anyone and everyone!
Glenna McPartland
800 Holland Road
Ballwin, MO 63021
Also, I'd really like to see as many people as I can before I go. So if you are in the Boston area and have time in the next three or four days, even if you just want to get coffee for an hour or something, let me know.
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| Maybe change is good |
[18 Apr 2007|05:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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joss stone |
] |
So I am starting a new journal because I feel like I'm at a new phase in my life. There are going to be a lot of things changing in the next few months and for once I am more than ready for that.
A lot of the entries in this will be friends only, so if you would like to read them, just add me.
Otherwise...
WELCOME
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